What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Why do some women alter their faces by so-called cosmetic surgeries (on their eyes, cheeks, lips, chin, jaw) that making them look like Donald Duck or puffy aliens, while for most men these unnatural facial changes are ridiculous or even disgusting?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

What do you mean son?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

How often do prisoners try to escape from jail/prison, and how many of them succeed?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What! how could you do that?

Why do so many autistic adults deal with self-hatred?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

True - how I loved my mum!

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

Which is better, a naked picture of some one you know or porn videos?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

Do you know what she said mum?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

Is it sinful for Christians to look at beautiful women?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”